Appetite for Destruction

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Location: new delhi, delhi, India

a traveller in search of his destination, a maverick who hasn't heard of the word impossible,a dreamer to the core, an atheist,ocassionaly paranoid, disgruntled music fanatic,a philanthropist,a friend,a believer,a rascal of st.josephs,a phoenix which will one day rise from its ashes.

Monday, August 29, 2016


Eleven o clock on a day the eleven
enthralling noon , a projector heaven
a nascent ingress , he gifted eleven
but the unfolding dusk , painted it raven

The paradox stood ,a tall disguise
profess thy pain , refrained thy pride
it split aside , torment apart
qualm o ' infamy , ne'er let him recite

a rapid thrive , fever of its kind
encumbered soul , he lost his mind
the hand he held ,a time the youth
was of a son who got the shook .

stayed he alive , remorsed he a while
plans of the son , hath sealed so quiet
it played aloud , cried a time
but ne'er did he know , he was his life

one holy time , one dance of life
the wrap so green , the grace o' peach
embrace o 'change the nightingale
fade to black , betrayal kiss

meanwhile a kitten , sneaked so calm
tickled and mewed but caused no harm
the baby there used the father's guise
but the father here couldn't descry

beningn as love or candy revenge
his soul hath proved underwent a change
farewell he bid , the sobbing kitten
counted his months , exactly eleven.

Wednesday, August 08, 2012

The incessant rain

The door's ajar, it rains night long ,
His dreams won't fade, somewhere they belong.
Afraid of the black , bereaved of his light ,
He lost his sleep , O' fickle sprite.

Cursed by heaven , caressed by hell,
No remorse , no pain, lone delirium prevail.
Never owned territory a gypsy child,
won't cry no more his blazing eyes.

Up grows the mist in womb of pregnant night,
to nestle the rain but fails and dies.
Convene they could , but will she try ,
O' lord , surprise, show him the sky.

A heathen soul , it still awaits ,
Reveries, they wish, the storm abates.
But efforts like he go hollow vain
His sun is dead , his fate is rain .


Thursday, August 23, 2007


There came a time, not long once gone
reminisce so I in surprise.
An angel chuckled an august glee,
a royal sheen , O! virgin pride.

So unparagoned her beauty stood
she sang a voice O' nightingale.
Thy treasure hunt , thine ceaseless gab
'Oft indeed i miss that dell.

But, chivalrous as she was, the deb
her fondness and dominion joined,
in disquietude would stand she tall
to dawn the black , pave sun shine.

And few troubles hath she of her own
but authored some the mischievous I
ne'er would i sink nor she would drown ,
one victor smug , the frazer time.

But, now i am , my timorous eyes
And distant she , my blood , my life.
Some birds aren't meant to be caged,
'Alas their feathers are just too bright.


Friday, July 27, 2007

My Experi-mentos with Truth

A couple of days back,when dad asked me to buy some home stuff,i walked into a nearby general store.As i entered the store something struck me.Merchandising had hit Happydent again, bang was orbit there in the front with a grin.Protex wasn't visible at first sight,Center fresh was sitting strongly at the centre, the jar looked barely 2 days old.And then there were lotsa them BigBabol,Mentos,Fruitella,Marbels,Chlor-mint,Chocoliebe.Hmm Good Availability i thought, but then remebered i was in a metro.P1,P2,P3 i used these alphabets in class 12th to name different planes.They meant something else now.
" bhaiyya aapko kya chahiye ".. i looked at the retailer, an absent-minded stare.
My summer stint at Perfetti was over.

12th may.Hotel Rockland.Kota.As i entered room no 324 i had little clue what i was supposed to do in Rajasthan.1 hour damn and the obfuscation had melted.On a map my ASM charted out my territories and sub stockist towns.He left the same evening.My marathon began from the next day in a the climate was hot in fact too hot,dry, making one thirsty all the time , and for a person like me more thirsty of a company to talk to than the nature's blessing called water

Deoli,kekri,sawai madhopur,gangapur,karoli,Bundi .. 6 days 6 places with some having no hotels to doesn't get any tougher..but in the days to come it did.
I started with the super stockist operations from 2nd week.It meant i had to work daily in a nearby sub stockist town( read Village ), and back in Kota loneliness waited for me.It sounded difficult but .."compromise" another dirty word.

Days were hot,requiring travel by a state bus, only possible route to the sub stockist towns.Bus,state bus,rickety ones,full of passengers from all the nearby rurals.places like Keshoria Patan,Kapren,Suket,Lakheri,Indergarh,Anta..places which had no malls, no harry potters , no X box,no internet ..places where the streets really had no names. Turbaned veterans , families, mothers and their bare-naked kids, theri eyes shimmering with pulchritude,and then there was a sumer trainee sitting close to the back seat,listening quietly to his iPod.Deserted but still with a Happydent smile, beginning to enjoy everything,learning new ways of life.

They say hope is a powerful word.I have no clue how true, but it did keep Glad alive.B'coz there were moments in rockland when he got vexed of his solitude,head-fucked,bereaved,deserted,the omnipresent benumbedness reminding him of some soul which could help share this burden ,a slow poison called loneliness.Dusty dreams.Fading daylights.Flickers on the wall.. but hope is powerful yet deceiving.It attracts and repels.Bad enough,it stays nonchalant.

"FMCG is a challenge".The depth of these words reached unending fathoms in the deserts of Rajasthan.But then there is the kick which makes one move,its called spirit,its called ecstasy,the one of learning.Laymen call it business but certain specialized laymen species term it " marketing".The peripatetic inside me realized with a goddam surity O' there was beauty and surely there was pain .

Contrast it with Bombay.the city that never sleeps.Name anything and u get it.plasma tv,PVR juhu,tata croma, marriott,mango,louis vuitton,nariman point,italian cuisine,mocha,absolut and the famous montear...i see 'em all.everyday.

But somthing stays unnamed feeling..a feeling when i cottoned to loneliness..befriended close..close to myself.. close to my incongruous dreams..connated with strangers..a feeling of peeking through the real india..a feeling when i fell in love with Rajasthan.

Bono i'll use your words.again.

All that you fashion
All that you make
All that you build
All that you break
All you count on your fingers and
All that you steal

All that you can't leave behind.


Sunday, October 01, 2006

dear blog
all apologies

i m writing after 6 months.
hav been on a wild goose chase here in mumbai.
mba world is teachin something everyday.
life has taken a doubt.

A sea change in the people,climate,food, clothes and life at mumbai is
a point i ponder at.surrounded by the page 3 and more important than that
wanna be page 3 people..mumbai is definately "jara hatke" from delhi.
crossin a road at 1 am becomes difficult here at times.

but saadi dilli is saadi dilli

chhole bathure still tastes better than pao bhaji... :)

Saturday, March 25, 2006


i walk back towards the large gates,
breeze rustling leaves across the
road fluttering in wind.
walk past the lifeless canteen,
with no one to shout.
peep into the empty classes,
missing the screams of joy.
stand at the tree,where hundreds of relations
were declared and broken.
A single tear escapes my eye and falls towards
the emptiness of the sand, as my mind races in thought.
Alone i stand, as i think,
its all over........

so here i am . final sem is almost over. and my college life has past
aside me just like a zephyr..
i close my eyes and let my past do the talking.
GOD can't i be a fresher again!
those mass bunks,those football fights, b'day treats,
and late night walks, those butter buns and baboo teasing
,the struggle for marks, those fight with the teachers(miss anita plz forgive),
the simla trip, drowning in that rock music,
the writing on desks, those sarab fundaas and 816 stories

everything feels like a dream.
and this hansraj dream will always be with me wherever i go and whatever i do.
Hetfield's music still rings in my senses,
and this time its got a meaning

fortune fame ,
mirror vain,
gone insane,
but the memory remains.......

Tuesday, February 07, 2006


a couple of days back i had my mock interview at Career Launcher,
and guess who it was Mr UD (Umesh Dhingra) ,the Big Man himself.
At first instance , i felt as if i had been left out in a cage with a hungry
tiger.However things eased out, and he cooled me up b4 starting
by sharing a couple of jokes.contrary to what others had said,
i found it to be a very coordial process with the panelists (especially mr UD)
showing superficial stress.well instead of getting nervous, i found it rather humorous
and that added to my confidence.

however there was one catch .i was honest with most of my answers. so when asked
where do u see urself 5 years from now , my instant reply was IN NEW YORK
HA HA. reminds me of my lovely days of october 2004 when dad was in new york
and how badly i wished to be with him. U2's newyork is one of the tracks
which reminds me of the good old carefree days of my 2nd year.

i wish time hadn't passed by.
i wish had been with my dad.
i wish i could see the big apple.

U2's music still rings in my ears.
this is how it goes:


In New York freedom looks like too many choices
In New York I found a friend to drown out the other voices
Voices on the cell phone
Voices from home
Voices of the hard sell
Voices down the stairwell
In New York, just got a place in New York

In New York summers get hot, well into the hundreds
You can't walk around the block without a change of clothing
Hot as a hairdryer in your face
Hot as a handbag and a can of mace
In New York, I just got a place in New York
New York, New York

In New York you can forget, forget how to sit still
Tell yorself you will stay in
But it's down to Alphaville

New York, New York, New York
New York, New York, New York

The Irish have been coming here for years
Feel like they own the place
They got the airport, city hall, asphalt, dance floor, they even got the police

Irish, Italians, Jews and Hispanics
Religious nuts, political fanatics in the stew,
Living happily not like me and you
That's where I lost you... New York

New York, New York, New York
New York, New York, New York
New York

In New York I lost it all to you and your vices
Still I'm staying on to figure out my mid life crisis
I hit an iceberg in my life
You know I'm still afloat
You lose your balance, lose your wife
In the queue for the lifeboat

You got to put the women and children first
But you've got an unquenchable thirst for New York

New York, New York
New York, New York

In the stillness of the evening
When the sun has had its day
I heard your voice a-whispering
Come away now

New, New York
New, New York